Blank Verse
March 18th, 2002, 02:01
I like. Me laugh.
AXIS OF EVIL
By Kato Binbin
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil,"
which they said would be way more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil...
in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the
best." Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi
President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II
you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have
three.
And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed
to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil,
forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of
Occasionally
Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not
So
Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up,
Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics.
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are
Actually
Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America.
Denmark, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries
That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really,
just
something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun
of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay,"
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately,
world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
AXIS OF EVIL
By Kato Binbin
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil,"
which they said would be way more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil...
in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the
best." Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi
President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II
you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have
three.
And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed
to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil,
forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of
Occasionally
Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not
So
Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up,
Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics.
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are
Actually
Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America.
Denmark, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries
That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really,
just
something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun
of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay,"
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately,
world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.