Crazy Mother

[netnexus]

ok.. I have a crazy mother and I hate it. That is right. You read right. I do not like my mother at all one bit. My whole life, she has been giving me ----.. getting me in trouble for thigns I didn't do. Whenever she has a bad day she sends me to my room and grounds me for a week. Whenever she has a bad day she shouts at me for no reason and then bollucks me for doing something that 1) was never done and 2) i didn't do anyways.

I have a mum that cannot admit to being wrong. In any matter, she has to be right. If she says the world is flat, no matter how much scientific proof u put infront of her eyes, the world is flat.. coz she said it.

Just today my mum spilt a bottle of coke onto the sofa. She blamed me. She asked me why I didn't put the bottle in a better place. I left it on the table.. what more could she want? We were drinking it. She proceeded to bolluck me for over an hour.. then she started being pathetic about how I never treat her as my mother and how she thinks that I want her dead. Ironically, that is not far off the truth.

She used to beat me when i was younger with a stick of bamboo whenever she had a bad day or whenever i annoyed her. For a few years of my younger childhood, I walked around with constant bruises.

Now I am 15.. and I get ---- everyday from her. I can't stand being around her anymore. I think about harming myself just to get away from her.. I even think about harming her.

I know you guys will think that I am crazy, but I know I am not. I love her.. I love my mother as my mother.. but the stuff she does.. its horrible and you guys have no idea.

I don't know what I can do.. she constantly -----es at me for stuff that I didn't do.. she constaly grounds me for rediculous things like not drying my hair properly..

I don't know what I can do.. she wont let me talk to a psychiatrist.. probably because she knows that she is in the wrong..yet she proceeds to blame it on me. She says everytime that I get into trouble it is my fault.. except that is only true in 40% of the cases that I am getting shouted at. The other 60% is for no reason.

She has just finished venting on me because she spilt a bottle of cola that she should have been careful with.. she knocked it over blindly, got frustrated and blamed it on me.. I am really scared that one day it my anger will reach levels even I cannot contain..

Guys.. help me.. tell me what to do please.

[Jan]

Ask a teacher at your school if you can see the school counsellor. I am sure he/she can help you :)

[trenzterra]

Hmm while reading the thread I wanted to suggest seeing a shrink, but she does not allow. Wtf...

no offence, but is she a single parent? If you have a dad, you should talk to him.

If not, try to caaaallllmmmm down.

[EpidemiK]

Your mom resembles my dad very well. If I go on the computer for 10 minutes he keeps saying "You can stop now." Then he'll tell me to go do some more homework or something.

Yesterday, he had to buy 3 books for $400 for his work and when he got home he was pissed and started yelling at me for no reason.

Whenever I do my homework, he always checks it and yells at me for a simple adding or subtracting mistake. He always wants me to be better even though I get straight A's.

When my dad starts to yell, you don't wanna be anywhere near him. Once he got so pissed with our roommate that he started to yell at him. Now the roommate hates my dad forever and is moving out.

Although I get so pissed off by the things they say, like "Get out of the house" or "Never touch the computer again," I still love them because they are my parents .. even though sometimes it's hard.

netnexus .. I know how you feel. Stay strong man.. you'll eventually move out and start your own family. Just learn not me be a bad parent. :sad2:

[Webdude]

Is she single? If she is, find her a man like me. One that isnt afraid to stand up to a woman, and who likes teens. Find her a man like thatr. and you will get many things your way.

[Driftmania]

my suggestion is ... try hard to work things out. maybe if you brought this to your moms attention things will change. i am not saying they will change in a day or anything but you will notice slight differences. if she truly loves you then she will try hard if you try hard ...

my mom was like that too ... i got so sick of it i moved out when i was 16 and moved in with a friend. i am 17 and still living with my friend but me and my mom are ok now ... we started talking again and i might move back home ...

the only suggestion i have is try hard to work things out ... dont move out :p .. if you do it so you can be free ... all thats going to happen is your going to have no life cuz ur gunna work ur butt off to pay the bills. jus sit down n talk with her or something

[n7of9]

it sounds like your mum needs some life counselling...most parents don't know how to nurture children and don't realise what effect each word they sayhas on their child

i feel for you Netnexus....but i'm with Jan on this one...school counsellor sounds like your best bet....i remember when i was in school (yes i remember that far back :p), the thought of going to the school counsellor just made me cringe...but really, they are professionals....they know what to say and do, and they will never do anything unless you wanted it (like contact your mum or anything)

you sound like you need some support...as does your mum...if your mum is lost right now, be the one to help her and help yourself

good luck :(

[Akalon]

I'm with Jan and n7of9 on this one, definately go see your school counsellor. I've gone through problems in my life and suffered with pretty bad depression to the point at which I used to self-injure on a fairly regular basics. I go to counselling weekly, and it's a good way to vent your problems, talk about things, learn about yourself and deal with your problems.

[CareBear]

I know it's contrary to what others said here but my advice would be to only see a school counsellor if you can't find anyone else.
I don't know about over there but there are several mental healthcare organisations here that work on a sliding scale so if you don't have an income you don't have to pay anything.
My experience would be that school counsellors aren't really equipped to deal with anything more then minor problems.
If it's an intolerabe situation for you you should go and talk to someone about it though.. just in my opinion there are better to help you then a school counsellor.

[netnexus]

Thanks guys for listening.. I really appreciate this.

My dad wont hear a word of it because he is afraid of my mother.. and I can understand why. She treats him like she treats me.

I am trying to get in touch with my school counciler now.. but I have to arrange it without my mother finding out.. Otherwise I'll be sure to be grounded for the rest of my life.

As someone said they moved out at 16, I don't think I could do that to my parents. I know that it might make me feel better, but I don't want to put my parents through the worry of it.

I am going to try and talk with my dad.. see what we can work out and how to talk to my mum about this.. form like a tag team heh..

But I dunno if it will ever work out.. My mum was raised living a very poor and deprived childhood and shes always had to fight for her way.. I think maybe it is affecting her way of seeing things.. I can sympathise with that.. I don't want to blame my mother.. afterall she is my mother...

Any other advice I would really appreciate. Thanks guys.. This has really been a great help :)

[Jan]

Carebear he has indicated his mum won't allow him to seek help, which is why I suggested the school counsellor, but maybe the Aussie ones are better since two fellow country people agreed with me.

[Dean]

If you want to remain "behind the covers" try TAO (http://www.teenadviceonline.org/counselors/chatjpilot.html)

[keith]

:confused4

she beat you with bamboo? where do you live, in a straw hut in india? total b.s.

[niv]

Originally posted by keith
:confused4

she beat you with bamboo? where do you live, in a straw hut in india? total b.s.

Or New York City...or anyplace where they import bamboo... ;0

I have a crazyass mom too, but she aint as bad as that...see if you can get a court order for anger management classes.

[Bruce]

I've been beaten with baseball bats and brooms... never bamboo though... but I suppose it'd be possible if it was found around here.

[netnexus]

Originally posted by keith
:confused4

she beat you with bamboo? where do you live, in a straw hut in india? total b.s.

feather dusters have bamboo sticsk coeming out of them which u hold.. i wouldn't post this ---- if it was b.s. please if u dion't believe me don't post thats easy enough..

[Todd]

It's not the greatest advice but the absolutely best thing you can do is to learn from your parents failures. If they do something wrong be sure to remember it so some day you can raise your children better.

With that said you're very close to turning 18 and then you'll have the option to pursue college. My advice is to live in a dorm and to do so far enough away from your parents that they won't constantly bother you but close enough so you can still visit them for special events.

If you report this to your school counselor chances are they will call social services and create a bigger mess. If you're still being abused then that's the best route but it sounds like that stopped. (In which case if you talk to the school counselor I'd be extremely clear that it's just emotional problems and disagreements.) Then you have to ask yourself if you can emotionally put up with it until you are 18 and have the option of moving for college.

Apart from that I'd strongly recommend getting a job and saving your money. That'll get you out of the house and the money can be used for your education and/or to move out at a later date. Emancipation is another option but you're close enough and that's complicated enough that I wouldn't bother with it unless you feel it's necessary.

Chances are if she was abusive then her parents were as well. It doesn't excuse the action but it's important to remember so you can break the cycle and become a better person as a result of your experiences. If it's just emotional and she won't listen to reason then become as non-defensive and polite as possible. It's extremely difficult to be upset and irrational when someone is being incredibly kind and polite to you. Unless it's a substance abuse problem, in which case you have larger concerns.

I hope that helps a bit.

[netnexus]

That did help todd.. more then you probably think.. my mum was abused as a child i believe.. I have had one chat with the school counciler and she says she wont report it to social services or anythign but she gave me the same kind of advice as you.. she also said that I should try to talk things out.. iron them out.. that i shold be as polite as possible.

Once again thx guys


Originally posted by Todd
It's not the greatest advice but the absolutely best thing you can do is to learn from your parents failures. If they do something wrong be sure to remember it so some day you can raise your children better.

With that said you're very close to turning 18 and then you'll have the option to pursue college. My advice is to live in a dorm and to do so far enough away from your parents that they won't constantly bother you but close enough so you can still visit them for special events.

If you report this to your school counselor chances are they will call social services and create a bigger mess. If you're still being abused then that's the best route but it sounds like that stopped. (In which case if you talk to the school counselor I'd be extremely clear that it's just emotional problems and disagreements.) Then you have to ask yourself if you can emotionally put up with it until you are 18 and have the option of moving for college.

Apart from that I'd strongly recommend getting a job and saving your money. That'll get you out of the house and the money can be used for your education and/or to move out at a later date. Emancipation is another option but you're close enough and that's complicated enough that I wouldn't bother with it unless you feel it's necessary.

Chances are if she was abusive then her parents were as well. It doesn't excuse the action but it's important to remember so you can break the cycle and become a better person as a result of your experiences. If it's just emotional and she won't listen to reason then become as non-defensive and polite as possible. It's extremely difficult to be upset and irrational when someone is being incredibly kind and polite to you. Unless it's a substance abuse problem, in which case you have larger concerns.

I hope that helps a bit.

[Jan]

Nice to see you have made some attempt to improve things at home. Good luck :)