---- Cheney's sense of humor

[Conscript]

note: this is a real event, not a made up parody. ---- Cheney really said these things.



Editor's note: The following are highlights of Vice President ---- Cheney's remarks at last night's annual Gridiron dinner. Although the speech is off-the-record, they were obtained by The Daily Standard.


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Thank you, President [Al] Hunt, members of the Gridiron . . . at one point during your skits, I had a little scare. I felt a tightness in my chest. I started gasping for air and breathing irregularly. Then I realized it's called laughing. . . .

Lots of familiar faces here tonight. I always feel a genuine bond whenever I see Senator Clinton. She's the only person who's the center of more conspiracy theories than I am.

But enough of this camaraderie. This is the absolute truth: my last full-blown press conference was when I was Secretary of Defense in April of 1991. . . . Although it's only been 13 years . . . I thought you might have come up with some new questions by now. And I have here some cards on which you have done just that. . . .


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Here's an unsigned question. "Mr. Vice President, don't you think it's time to step down and let someone else add new energy and vitality to the ticket?"

No . . . I don't. And Rudy [Guiliani], you need to do a better job disguising your handwriting.

Oh . . . and Rudy has a follow up. "How can you be so sure you'll be on the ticket?"

Because the CIA told me so! . . .


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Dave Broder: "How would you accurately describe
your role in this administration? Be honest."

I would say that I am a dark, insidious force pushing Bush toward war and confrontation. . . .


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Helen Thomas wants to know, "How do you justify attacking innocent dictators?"

Helen, let me get back to you on that. I need to talk to Richard Perle.

Terry Hunt of AP wants to know, "Has Senator Kerry had Botox treatments?"

Terry, I have some guidance on that from Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz:

"The Administration takes this development seriously. Botox, of course, is related to the botulism toxin, which can be processed into high-grade biological weapons. We have dispatched Dr. David Kay . . . to search for the bio-warfare agents we believe hidden in Senator Kerry's forehead. If Senator Kerry has used botox as part of a wrinkle enrichment program, he is in violation of U.N. Resolution 752. Upon receiving Dr. Kay's report, the weapons of mass destruction that Senator Kerry so adamantly insists do not exist . . . may well be above his very nose." End of statement.

Susan Page of USA Today asks, "What do you think of Senator John Edwards?"

I think he's cute as a button. . . .



http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/003/834llyrg.asp


LOL Funny man.

[Robert]

What does ---- Cheney and our Economy have incommon?

They are both on the verge of dieing.

[Blank Verse]

Originally posted by Conscript
note: this is a real event, not a made up parody. ---- Cheney really said these things.




http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/003/834llyrg.asp


LOL Funny man.

Heh heh, Cheney certainly has some funny speech writers. Almost as funny as Dubya's, wh like using words like "grave danger" alot.

[Matt8]

Originally posted by Robert
What does ---- Cheney and our Economy have incommon?

They are both on the verge of dieing.

Haha nice :-D

[GregT]

LOL :classic2:

Nice find.

[stabme]

ha ha ha ha!! (sarcastic laugh) ... what sort of men have we put in the bloody office?! :o

i can just imagine FDR.. "Mr. President, how would your New Plan affect America's poor economy, and will it open new jobs?"
"Well, it'll do a lot better than the Old Plan! HAH!"

:cry2:

[keith]

liberals and democrats, no matter how much undeniable proof you pile on top of them, proof that shows things are looking good and getting better (and that's being modest), always seem to turn away and continue their diatribes of doom and gloom as if nothing was said... unless, of course, they're the ones in office.

i'll take ---- cheney's sense of humor over clinton getting head from an intern and running off to canada any day. but then again, i'd take a kick in the groin over any democratic president.

[Robert]

Originally posted by keith
liberals and democrats, no matter how much undeniable proof you pile on top of them, proof that shows things are looking good and getting better (and that's being modest), always seem to turn away and continue their diatribes of doom and gloom as if nothing was said... unless, of course, they're the ones in office.

i'll take ---- cheney's sense of humor over clinton getting head from an intern and running off to canada any day. but then again, i'd take a kick in the groin over any democratic president.


And the Republicans would moan and complain if a Democrat was in office. So don't say it's the Democrats. It goes both ways.

[keith]

Originally posted by Robert
And the Republicans would moan and complain if a Democrat was in office. So don't say it's the Democrats. It goes both ways. yeah, i'll agree with you there. but at the moment it's the democrats turning a blind eye to excellent economic growth and superb job creation. if a dem were responsible for it i wouldn't complain. but it's in large part the tax cut that's getting the job done, and every dem running for president wants to repeal it. :confused2

looks like i'm responsible for going off topic. cheney has a pretty good sense of humor for a guy his age and in his position.

[Robert]

Originally posted by keith
yeah, i'll agree with you there. but at the moment it's the democrats turning a blind eye to excellent economic growth and superb job creation. if a dem were responsible for it i wouldn't complain. but it's in large part the tax cut that's getting the job done, and every dem running for president wants to repeal it. :confused2

looks like i'm responsible for going off topic. cheney has a pretty good sense of humor for a guy his age and in his position.

I disagree.

Q. What does Bush and Enron, Adelphia, and Worldcom have in common?

A. They all filed for Bankruptcy.

[Blank Verse]

Originally posted by keith
yeah, i'll agree with you there. but at the moment it's the democrats turning a blind eye to excellent economic growth and superb job creation. if a dem were responsible for it i wouldn't complain. but it's in large part the tax cut that's getting the job done, and every dem running for president wants to repeal it. :confused2

looks like i'm responsible for going off topic. cheney has a pretty good sense of humor for a guy his age and in his position.

I know this is continuing to go off topic, but regardless, I just have on ething to say.

Do you honestly expect the Democrats to actually come out and say "Yes! The Republicans have done an excellent job...let's re-elect Bush!" It's election time, they can't focus on anything positive the 'Pubs have done, because it's going to cost them.

You're in a favourable position as a Republican supporter, because you can say that, but if it were the other way around, the Republicans would most definitely be ignoring any positive contributions and focusing on the negatives. It's politics. It's all about manipulating the standard non-educated voter...and we all know there are A LOT of those.

Oh, and one more thing...does anyone here actually believe that ---- Cheney wrote all those jokes himself? Please...:rolleyes:

[notnamed]

That's funny. Dad just walked through the kitchen saying pretty much what Keith just said. Heh.

[Epgs]

Well I enjoyed reading those conscript,

but you had to know that it would get into a political debate.