Relationship advice, gentlemen

[Blank Verse]

if any of you ----s could ever get a date, this is what you need to know.

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "---- you" and grab the other girls ---. Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop -----ing about the cold right now you're going to be -----ing about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

[bariteau]

most of them are stupid but a few are funny

[Dynash]

10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

This I have seen a few times, really.

[stuffradio]

I'd + rep you because these are so stupid they're funny. However, I can't +rep you because I need to +rep other people... so I don't really care to put up effort to do so

[KilobyteSite.com]

Very good advice.

[iBrightDev]

i think i posted this same thing like a year ago.

[Blank Verse]

Originally Posted by iBrightDev

i think i posted this same thing like a year ago.

Never happened. I move for this to be stricken from the record.


it shall be done.

shut up J Street

[iBrightDev]

haha. now that is a challenge, but, i might have to dig it up.

[Blank Verse]

Not if you don't want me leaking these incriminating photos of you and the water buffalo

[iBrightDev]

haha. but the water buffalo was sooooo good. btw, she told me to tell you hi, she hasnt seen you in a while and was wanting you to join us again.

[theraptor]

Originally Posted by iBrightDev

haha. but the water buffalo was sooooo good. btw, she told me to tell you hi, she hasnt seen you in a while and was wanting you to join us again.

hey got you now Blank Verse.

[Blank Verse]

Goddamn that Bertie Buffalo and her loose lips.



and her loose lips.

[iBrightDev]

haha. well, we all know you are into world wildlife fu**ing, so, it wasnt hard to figure out

[Eclouds]

Nice compilation there! Down here in Miami, I've noticed a lot of women being treated in a similar fashion. I guess girls love bad boys

[Darknight]

I do all this but I afraid she throws a accidentally and stops responding.