I have a funny story about fish ...
About 10 years ago, I was 14. When I was 14, I was a bit of a tearaway, I didn't live at home, I didn't go to school and most months I had a court date for something.
As you might imagine the police in our local area got to know 14 year old Joe quite well, we were on first name terms for the most part. A new-ish power was introduced to the police whereby they could search anyone for anything, without needing any excuse ( evidence ). I didn't live at home, but I visited my mum almost every day. The road she lived on was about a mile and a half long and she was about 3/4 of the way down it, every day I would walk all the way down this road to meet friends or whatever after visiting my mum. About 3 times a week for a month I was stopped and searched by the police, for stolen goods. It started getting on my nerves, they never found anything ( because I wasn't doing anything wrong on those days ), I was never arrested ... but still they kept searching, I kept having to empty all my pockets onto the bonet of their vauxhall astra.
Puffer jackets were in fasion at the time, you know those big brightly coloured jackets that make people look 3x bigger then they are. I decided I would put a stop to all this searching me and violating my privacy. So before I left my mums house one day, I got a tin of custard, some fresh sausages, and some fresh salmon out of the fridge, I took the fish and sausage out of it's wrapper and distributed it evenly among my two front pockets. I then opened the tin of custard and done the same.
So then I get outside and start walking towards the end of the road, just when the smell started to overpower me and I was looking for a garden I could chuck my jacket in, a marked vauxhall astra pulled up behind me and the lovely officers inside started talking to me - asking me the same questions they had asked 20 times that month. I stopped and they got out of the car, they gave me the normal "There's been some thefts in the area, and we'd like to search your person, if you don't let us do it here, we'll have to take you to the station and get a responsible adult to be there while you're cautioned" ... I asked them quite clearly if they were sure they wanted me to empty my pockets onto the bonet of their car, they said yes.
That was the last time I was searched for almost a year ...
