From various places, mainly DC. [JUST A COUPLE CURRENTLY]
RIGHT CHOICE
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month.
My fiancée’s mother is great. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred. Then she floored me.
She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew how to deal with this situation. I headed out the front door.
There, leaning against my car was her husband. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
I kept it to myself that I thought their "little test" was asinine bullshit, but I'm marrying their daughter, not them.
I also kept to myself that the reason that I was walking out to my car was to get a condom.
I'm still getting married in about a month.
… BUT WOULD YOU LIKE TO WITNESS MY RELIGION?
Now don't get me wrong, I have no grudges against any Mormons, but after getting bombarded at my old house for weeks on end by their door-knockers (and pretending I wasn't home) I decided to exact my revenge...
I drove home one night after work and saw a pair of Mormons walking my neighborhood (again) and pounding on doors. So I whipped up a batch of my famous fake-blood from my Drama days, grabbed a large cleaver from the drawer & lit candles all over the house. Grabbed an apron, smeared my fake blood all over it and the cleaver and waited.
Sure enough, the door knock came about 10 minutes later...I got up & answered the door carrying the knife. Well they just gaped...stammered a bit, and one finally sputtered out their preset "Hi, we'd like to tell you about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." I looked the guy right in the eye and told him flat out "Sorry, but I worship Satan. If you'd like though, I'm in the middle of a ritual and I can show you all about MY religion."
Well, they ran like hell as fast as they could and I've never had a knock on my door by them since. Its a shame I had to lie that badly to get rid of them, but I don't feel the slightest regret.
RIGHT CHOICE
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month.
My fiancée’s mother is great. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred. Then she floored me.
She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew how to deal with this situation. I headed out the front door.
There, leaning against my car was her husband. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
I kept it to myself that I thought their "little test" was asinine bullshit, but I'm marrying their daughter, not them.
I also kept to myself that the reason that I was walking out to my car was to get a condom.
I'm still getting married in about a month.
… BUT WOULD YOU LIKE TO WITNESS MY RELIGION?
Now don't get me wrong, I have no grudges against any Mormons, but after getting bombarded at my old house for weeks on end by their door-knockers (and pretending I wasn't home) I decided to exact my revenge...
I drove home one night after work and saw a pair of Mormons walking my neighborhood (again) and pounding on doors. So I whipped up a batch of my famous fake-blood from my Drama days, grabbed a large cleaver from the drawer & lit candles all over the house. Grabbed an apron, smeared my fake blood all over it and the cleaver and waited.
Sure enough, the door knock came about 10 minutes later...I got up & answered the door carrying the knife. Well they just gaped...stammered a bit, and one finally sputtered out their preset "Hi, we'd like to tell you about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." I looked the guy right in the eye and told him flat out "Sorry, but I worship Satan. If you'd like though, I'm in the middle of a ritual and I can show you all about MY religion."
Well, they ran like hell as fast as they could and I've never had a knock on my door by them since. Its a shame I had to lie that badly to get rid of them, but I don't feel the slightest regret.
